on anticipating pain.

Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6933 Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6933 Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6943 Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6928 Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6940 Rooftops and Yellow Pantz-6991

Shirt: UO // pants: anthropologie // shoes: Nina Z clogs

Do you ever feel so happy that you might explode? Where you’re so content with your life that you have trouble even breathing, let alone believing that is your reality?  I think we’ve all felt those limited infinities. Where a moment strikes you as extraordinary and you just can’t help but feel joy. Those moments  are nothing short of magical.

Every once in a while, in those moments, my mind begins to stress out. Where suddenly I try to absorb all of that delight frantically because I immediately assume that something terrible must be on the horizon. The term “this is too good to be true” becomes the anthem of my thoughts and begin to prepare myself for inevitable pain. This is true of nearly every relationship I’ve been in (and probabably why the honeymoon stage is both wonderful and terrifying for me) .

And I get it. None of us can escape the trials that flood the existence of being human. Imperfect circumstances are just a side effect of humanity. There is no way out of pain. And yet, when we’re not trying desperately to avoid it all together, we let the anticipation of pain soil our ability to feel joy.  These past couple of weeks, have been really tough for me, and I’ve dealt with some really hard situations that were frankly, out of my control despite them seeming like they were all my fault. Anticipating to be unhappy did not make it any easier once those struggles appeared. Instead what it did, was squelch my ability to feel joy fully.

Though the realization of this, of my propensity to anticipate pain, I was able to begin to seek out those joy-saturated moments. I realized that is only through fearlessly living those precious gratitude-filled moments of pure unadulterated elation that we can survive those periods of pain. Not only that, but when they come and rest assured they will come, we can endure them with spirit optimism.

so don’t be afraid to recognize those extraordinary moments, because chances are they will find you in the most ordinary of circumstances.

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10 comments

  1. girl you are so beautiful and smart. i totally am the same way, i'm trying to be better about finding joy in the moments and not focus on the negative things that MAY come. I hope that these last few weeks in NYC are awesome, you deserve the best. miss you.

  2. I love the phrase 'joy-saturated moments." I'm going to remember the phrase and to remember to live in those moments fully. Love you – thanks for sharing

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