My thoughts, like my heart, are a mess right now. I have been battling with a lot of hard realities in my life lately. I have been fumbling around in the dark trying to understand what it is i believe in.
I am tired.
I am tired down to my bones. I am tired of this feeling of being a second-class citizen repeatedly reinforced. I am tired of watching evil triumph when I am told to have faith in the good. I am tired of the patriarchy grabbing me by the pussy and telling me to sit down and shut up.
Does it get better? Does it get easier? Do we ever find solace?
When my candidate lost in 2012, I did not feel broken. I accepted defeat and trusted that the winner was a good man and would run things in a good direction. I even grow to admire him deeply. I am sorry to see him go. This is categorically different. This feels like evil has won. As this new reality set in last night, I sobbed. I wept because it all hurts. This year has hurt me in more ways than I knew possible.
I have been trying to be resilient. I have tried to believe that my womanhood has not made me voiceless. And perhaps in time I will believe those things. That is why I am here. I have felt the need to write all day. I am holding on to the tiny silver of hope left in the core of my being that perhaps I will not be voiceless forever.
I am broken today, but not broken forever.
I am broken, but I am not forgotten.